WYWTD- Embarrassment

In a few posts back, I mentioned that public image was a reason why many people don't act a certain way or say a particular thing. As I keep trying to find new reasons, I seem to find embarrassment as a very prime reason. At first I wanted to tie in embarrassment in with public image, but although they seem very similar I am slowly understanding their differences.

The other day in class I arrived early and was just waiting for it to start. This girl sits in front of me and was talking very loudly on the phone. This really annoyed me because even though class had not started yet, it is an unsaid (sometimes even said) rule to not talk on the phone in class. Anyways, she was talking about some glasses that her mom bought her that she would not get caught wearing. It did not seem like she was embarrassed but she seemed more snobbish and spoiled. That was dealt with public image.

Embarrassment seems to deal more with not wanting to do something because they are self conscious. So when I mentioned in my previous post that my friends did not want to dance because they cared about their public image, that was not worded correctly. Their reason was that they were embarrassed and self conscious, they were not concerned with public image. That's all, I just wanted to make that clarification. So add embarrassment on the list too!

WYWTD- Bitting your tongue

A few days ago, the President of an organization that I am involved purposed changes to events that have happened annually for what seems like decades now. Many people, including myself, feel that since the person who took the position as President has gone a power trip ever since she assumed the position. She has many fine qualities that are required as a President and for the most part she does her job but sometimes, people on the executive board just want to punch her in the face to put it nicely. Anyways, when she purposed to change events, another executive board member threw a fit and while she did state her concerns for the change, she did not tell the President how she felt about the situation and her presidency as a whole. I was talking to the other executive board member and asked why she didnt say what she wanted to say and her response was simply respect. Even though she does not agree with what she is doing, she had to respect her decision and her position as President. I understand this reason because sometimes there are situations that I want to say something or do something but dont simply because I respect the person and it would be rude and improper to act or say otherwise.

RESPECT.

WYWTD- Superiority

Last night I went to my Aunt Tessa's 51st birthday dinner. It was a "Girls Only" dinner and my aunts, cousins, family friends, and my mom attended. The "of age" members of the event decided to take a round of shots and the under age members, such as my cousin Lisa and myself, just watched as they enjoyed round after round. Then, our oldest cousin Adena, offered Lisa and me a shot. I declined because I don't like drinking in front of my mom and for some reason, I find it disrespectful to her even though she knows I party hard. My cousin however, accepted with no hesitation but realized that her mom (the birthday girl) was watching her. Her mom is strict and I don't know why Lisa choose to say yes but she did and now she was under careful observation from her mom. As Lisa was about to take the shot she caught that her mom was getting angry. As a result, she said that she didn't want to anymore since she "doesn't drink that often." My Aunt was still angry and took a few more shots but we all left the restaurant on a happy note. I drove back to my aunt's house with Lisa and on the way back I asked her what restrained her from taking that shot, even though it was pretty obvious. Lisa said that she she could tell that her mom did not want her to and if she had taken that shot, she would have been in trouble. We continued talking about the issue and eventually came to the point that there are many things we wish to do but people like parents and bosses hold a power and those under this must abide by certain rules if they did not want to see the consequences.

Reason 6 Superiority and Consequences.

WYWTD- For the sake of sanity

Although this story does not pertain to me, it does involve me. One of my best friend, named Ally has been going through issues with her ex-boyfriend. I have heard the story and updates about it a million times and I am not going to type it out because honestly I am sick of thinking about it but it does pertain to this blog. I do however need to give you the background information. Ally used to date this guy named Jared and they had a pretty good relationship until last May. As in many relationships, there were a lot of lies being said from his side and my friend Ally, who considered him her first love, found it difficult to let go and cut off communication with him. Although I advised her to not talk to him again, mainly because I knew she would not be able to just be friends with him, she did so anyways. In doing so, she made many mistakes and her frustration towards him and his actions unfortunately resulted in her doing and saying crazy things to him. Eventually she stopped talking to him, but every now and then she tries to find an excuse to start up a conversation (this is where the blog comes in). So a few days ago, it was Jared's birthday and Ally had approached me with her dilemma: whether she should or should not say Happy Birthday to him. She said she wanted to say it because he did say happy birthday to her when they weren't talking. However, she also pointed out that she refused to because she simply hates him. I told her that I felt she shouldn't do it but that she should do whatever she felt was best. Ally replied that she wouldn't do it because I said that it would be a bad idea but in all actuality she wanted too. It was here when I asked her why? What was holding her back from talking to him again even if she really did want to talk to him? She responded that she did not want to lose her sanity. I understood exactly what she meant but I don't know if you will. What she meant was that every time she even starts to talk to him, she falls back into this pattern which resulted in embarrassing impulsive actions. When Ally had fallen under these patterns previously, she had referenced herself as insane. While Ally is no where near insane, some of her actions lacked the sanity factor. This is where I found the next reason.

Reason 5. Sanity

WYWTD- Because it's mean...

As I mentioned in the previous post, I wanted to focus on women's reactions. I find it interesting that there is a possibility that women restrain their reactions not because they find it necessary to tame it but the probability that they restrain themselves because that was how they were taught to be a proper woman.

Earlier today, I went to meeting held by an organization that I am involved in. This meeting consisted of active members in the organization discussing issues affecting us. As with everything, people had different views on every issue. During the meeting, there was one issue that resulted in a heated debate. The issue dealt with negative publicity in regards to the actions of one of its members. However, the debate dealt with how the issue should be addressed. Three of the five women at the meeting agreed that it would be best if we kindly talk to the member and let him know we were aware of the issue. Being one of the two women who disagreed, I felt that we should respond with strict consequences and four of the four men at the meeting agreed. The three women argued that it was his first offense and they felt it was mean to punish him. This is when I began to notice the difference between the majority of the women versus the men. I felt that the women were exactly playing into what I had just discussed in Film 190. I felt they were being kind because they were raised to be kind and not forceful. I also felt that it dealt with him being a man because i know if he were woman, two of the other girls would have had no problem punishing her. The men however, did not have an issue of any sort and I felt this was due to the fact that they were raised to be forceful. After the meeting, I talked to the three women and asked them what was wrong with punishment. All three said that punishment was harsh, mean, or that they did not feel right about it. This is when I knew that my teacher was right. Most women are raised to be passive aggressive instead of forceful like men. So, in this case, they did not react the way they would have because they WERE trained to be polite and non-aggressive.

Reason 4. Trained not Tamed!

WYWTD- Trained vs. Tamed

The other day in my Film 190 class, Women Make Movies, we were addressing the issue that men tend to be a dominant figure in cinema for many reasons but one that I found to be interesting was that women are trained to be polite, apologize, and more considerate towards others than themselves. For that reason, women have a tendency to be less forceful than a man in the industry, although this does not apply to all women. This is where I got my idea for this blog post. What I got from this discussion was that women were trained, from childhood, to not be dominant, rather they should be polite and considerate of all those around them. I wondered if this “training” could be applied to our reactions because if our actions have been trained then our reactions must have been trained as well. But this thought lead me to another question, have our actions been trained or training another form of taming your actions? So, for this week and the next, I plan on observing women's reactions and their interactions in the work and school environment but focusing in on their reactions in comparison to men's reactions.

WYWTD- I Hear the Beats

There will always be something about music that makes it freeing. I love that it has the ability to play with your emotions as well as create new feelings for something else. Music to me is a powerful force that cannot be seen but only heard and felt and has the incredible characteristic of taking its listeners to what seems like another realm resulting in more of an impact.

As you can tell through how I described music, I really do love music and I find that many others do as well. Although I thoroughly enjoy many genres, sounds, and beats, one of my favorites is electro house music and when I hear a song I find it very difficult not to dance.

Yesterday afternoon, I went shopping with two of my friends to Irvine Spectrum and we went to this small but classy and sheik store called Angl. The clothes they sell vary from laid-back lounge clothes to trendy going out attire. To set the store mood they play electro house music, which compliments their clothes since the majority of their clothes are party and clubbing clothes. For me, hearing the electro house makes being in there just that more enjoyable (the owner’s goal: accomplished). As I mentioned previously, I find it very hard to not dance to electro house and in public places such as this store I usually don’t and I “tame” my urge to move my body and dance to every beat that I hear. But this time I said to myself “Why the hell not?” So as my friends continued looking at clothes, I started to move my body. It started with my head as I bounced it up and down, left to right, right to left to the beat. Then the music moved to my shoulders and travelled to my arms where I raised them and watched as my hands and fingers danced and kept to the music. Soon enough, my hips, legs and feet started to move synchronously. As I looked to my friends, they both stared at me with a “are you really doing this right now” face, mouths dropped, and frozen in embarrassment. I didn’t care though, because I chose not to, and I closed my eyes and imagined the music within my body and every beat caused a movement. The build up in the song was playing and then as the release played, I jumped so freely. I danced for the rest of the song and by the end, everyone in the store was looking at me like I was crazy but this one girl who smiled at me, nodded her head- she knew what was up. I knew this girl had partied and celebrated life the same way as I did. Anyways, my friends were ready to leave the store and so we did. As we walked out the store, they asked me why I danced my ass off and I said, “Because I wanted to. Why didn’t you?” They answered saying that no one dances in stores and that they were embarrassed.

So I found another why, embarrassment tied in with public image and boundaries are reasons why don’t do other things. There are unsaid boundaries set everywhere and with everything, even music! We try to obey these boundaries but for no real reason. It just seems that someone said it is proper to dance with a big group of people but it’s not proper to dance where by yourself where music is playing, like a store. For that moment in time, I said f**k these boundaries and I did what I wanted. But as usual, it leads me to another question who set these boundaries that we all live by? I am not talking about laws, after all those are written and therefore that makes them real, but I am talking about the unsaid rules of society. As for the public image reason, I don’t really need to go into that because we all know that no matter how much you DGAF about what others think, you actually do to some extent.

REASON 2. Public Image
REASON 3. Invisible boundaries